- Reason one little girls are stronger than you – Ever hear the saying somewhere in China there is a girl warming up with your max? Well if you don’t squat there is a girl in Yorkshire right now curling your max.
- Reason two your little legs tell the tale of your secret shame – Shorts, come beach time those 3/4 length are a dead give away to your secret shame.
- Reason three scare the sheeple – Nothing scares people in the gym like heavy ass deep squats outside of a rack, scaring people is cool.
- Reason four public service – You will keep the curl bros out of the rack doing a service to humanity.
- Reason five meditation – The squat rack is the quietest place in most gyms and is a great place to spend time with your best friends slipknot and crippling internal pressure.
- Reason six it burns more calories than cardio – Psyche who gives a fuck about calories it gives you huge legs and it’s cool.
- Reason seven it’s the only lift that’s bad for every part of your body – name a joint or pretty much any anatomical feature some one somewhere think’s squats are bad for it, if something is so universally hated by so many people then it must be good (beer, fatty foods, McDonalds, weed…. nomsayin’).
- Reason eight it’s the only lift that can mentally break an american powerlifter – just do it go under an equipped lifter’s youtube and call out their depth and prepare for hours of entertainment as they nerd rage on their keyboard trying to persuade you the abomination of a movement before you that was passed by his best mate is a legit squat. You know what they say about the truth, it hurts.
- Reason nine self satisfaction – it’s one of the few lifts you can have the smug satisfaction for doing it in a full range of motion. sure you squat 40kg but at least you do all the way god damn it!
- Reason ten feel like you need a wheel chair – Squat is probably the only exercise that can give you lowerbody muscle soreness so bad you feel like stealing a wheel chair to end your suffering.
- Reason eleven dat ass – squats are probably the most time effective way to develop a ghetto booty be you male or female everyone loves a juicy angus.
- Reason twelve makes you feel like your head’s gonna pop off – if you have ever squatted really heavy in a belt you know what it feels like to feel like your intestine’s are gonna come out of your eyes because of the pressure.
- Reason thirteen It makes you run faster and jump higher – if your interested in something other than squatting, which let’s face it isn’t as good as squatting.
- Reason fourteen it’s hard – things that are hard are usually good for you and squatting heavy is hard as fuck therefore via bro-math it must be good as fuck for you.
- Reason fifteen near death experience – ever sat and contemplated the likelihood of you dieing before a heavy set of curls? Of course not I reguarly fear for my physical well being before a squat set it’s like jumping out of a plane with a parachute except you have a bar on your back, you can’t move anywhere fast and there are no hipsters.
- Reason sixteen it’s one of the few lifts that has it’s own day – You know that thing everyone call’s leg day well if they aren’t a bleeding liberal what they means it is squat day. Here is a great leg workout you can try at home
Exercise one Goblet Squat
Exercise two Overhead Squat
Exercise three Squat Jerk
Exercise Four Front Squat
Exercise Five Box squat (LOL j/k)
Exercise Five Deep squats
Exercise Six ATG Squat
Exercise Seven 20 rep squats
Exercise Eight Pause Squats….
- Reason seventeen thighzilla – having a big chest is one thing but there is nothing a group of lifters appreciate more than a huge set off pins just talk to tom platz.
- Reason eighteen moral superiority – it’s the one time you know for a fact you are better than someone, ask a new person so how much do you squat? If they reply I don’t squat because “insert excuse no one cares about here” then you know for a fact you are a better human being because you bend at the knee’s with a barbell attached to your torso once a week.
- Reason nineteen squat programmes! – Russian squat routine, Smolov, Squat masters – nothing with this many spreadsheets dedicated to it can be anything other than awesome.
- Reason twenty because it’s the only leg exercise you’ll ever need – just like talking to your single friend who can’t get a girl who like’s to justify why it’s so much better to be a free agent you know the person who justify’s why some exercise is superior to squats know’s deep down they are full of shit. Squatting is like sex sure you can mess around with a flesh light or vibrator to try and emulate it but there ain’t no replacing the real thing.
Marc
